Where do you find courage when you need it?

The word courage or courageous was always a word that I associated with being the opposite of fear, but when life hands you battles that you were not prepared to handle, finding courage while still in the midst of fear is something that many people believe they are not capable of.

Last March, when I was suddenly laying in a hospital bed surrounded by doctors and nurses telling me that I had an aggressive and rare form of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, many “what if” thoughts consumed me. As I listened to the hospital staff tell me about their treatment plan for me it was as if I was in a bad dream. I knew where I was and heard what they were telling me, but it sounded like the adult voice from a Charlie Brown and Snoopy episode where you knew someone was talking but you could not understand what they were saying. I could have let the fear consume me, I wanted to question why this was happening, but instead, a sense of peace washed over me and the only thing that I thought of was how I could share God’s goodness during this battle to everyone around me. Not knowing what my next days might bring gave me a sense of urgency to shine Jesus’s light to all those that God allowed to be placed in my path.

If you have ever, or are currently struggling in your faith, I pray that these lessons that God shared with me during my first of what became many hospital stays over the course of the last 12 months give you a new or renewed sense of what it means to have courage or be courageous.

Lesson #1 –

God will give you the words you need to hear and the words he wants you to share.

Learning to be courageous meant that I needed to quit worrying about always having the right words. As long as I was willing, God could use me. I needed to quit depending on my words and rely on God to give me the right words at the right time. When I was suddenly thrust into not knowing how much time I would have left on this earth I did not have the time or energy to overthink. My plea to God became…here I am God, use me and God did just that. Maybe not in the ways I thought he would, but by allowing myself to be courageous and open to the opportunities and people that God specifically placed in my path I was able to grow in my faith and be a witness to others with my response to my diagnosis. I came to find out that my authenticity spoke louder than any “perfect” words that might be said. I needed HOPE and that HOPE needed to be shared. As long as I was courageous enough to show up, or just have the conversations, God will give me the words.

Where did I find the words? The time I spent everyday in God’s Word strengthened my faith and prepared me to share, with confidence, how Jesus was with me on my journey. Each time I open my Bible, I’m reminded of God’s promises—how He works in impossible situations like mine. When you fill yourself with His truth, you have something solid to cling to, even in the storm. And when you experience His goodness, you can’t help but share it. Having opportunities to tell my story gave me opportunities to share Jesus. I did not need to be perfect, I just needed to be willing.

Lesson #2 –

God will provide you the opportunities to be courageous and share your faith.

Learning to be courageous, for me, meant not waiting for the “perfect” moments to talk to people. Sitting in a hospital bed hooked up to a variety of machines while having my vitals checked every four hours and being filled with toxic chemotherapy were definitely not “perfect” moments but God used me in those moments because I allowed him to. God used my hardship as a platform for his honor. Jesus was able to use me BECAUSE of my hardship and weakness. Knowing that God was with me and that my hardship was a part of his bigger plan gave me the courage to share that with others. God purposely positions His people in the world to reveal Jesus and spread the gospel. This does not always mean you are the center of attention, on a stage, seen by all. Sometimes it means you are in a hospital room, a waiting room or in my case sometimes the operating room.

From the day I was diagnosed and sent immediately into treatment I knew God was going to use me as a conduit for his glory. My prayer everyday after was “God, guide my journey and let me be used by you”. As my body, mind and soul continue to recover my prayer each day is still the words of Isaiah 6:8, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!”

Laurie